Pouring your own wine
Pouring your own wine or sake is considered rude in Japan, where whoever sits next to you fills your glass and you fill theirs. Under that custom, an empty glass becomes a small signal between neighbors.
What it may mean
At a dinner in Japan, an empty glass is not your problem to solve. It is your neighbor's job to notice it, and yours to notice theirs. Reaching for the bottle yourself is not a disaster, but it skips a small exchange the table is built around: someone looks over, sees what you need and tilts the bottle your way. A lot of families and friendships run on the same watchfulness, from the coworker who refills the coffee to the partner who hands you a sweater before you feel the chill. Serving yourself is quicker, and on some nights it is exactly right. Still, a table where everyone pours for someone else stays more attentive than one where each guest looks after their own glass. In South Korea the same attention shows up in how you hold your arm while pouring for someone.
Depending on how you saw it
When your glass sits empty
At tables where people pour for each other, the polite way to get a refill is often to fill your neighbor's glass first; they will almost always return the favor. Where could serving someone else be the easiest way to get what you need?
Holding your forearm while you pour
In South Korea, a businessman told a student folklore collector, you pour for someone while supporting your pouring arm with the other hand, a habit he traced to the wide sleeves of older dress. Which small gesture of yours tells people where you learned your manners?
Alone with a bottle on a weeknight
With nobody else at the table there is no one to pour for you, and no rule against doing it yourself. What do you allow yourself on your own that you would wait to be offered in company?
The youngest at a work dinner
At Japanese work dinners, junior staff usually keep everyone's glasses topped up, which keeps them watching the whole table. Which role in a group taught you the most about the people in it?
Why it happens in nature
In Japan it is considered rude to pour your own drink; the job falls to whoever sits nearby, and junior members of a group are expected to keep the others' glasses full. Similar pouring courtesies exist in Korea. Such rules keep diners looking at each other and spread hospitality around the table instead of leaving it to the host alone.
What folk beliefs say
South Korea
An American businessman who often traveled to South Korea told a student that there you pour someone's drink while holding your pouring forearm with the other hand; he traced the habit to the wide sleeves of older dress.
Source: swbarlow (collector), Pouring a Drink in South Korea (USC Digital Folklore Archive) (2016), folklore.usc.edu. View the page
To reflect on
Where do you serve yourself quickly when someone nearby would have been glad to notice?